Health Female: Verywell Loved: Unpacking What Is—and Isn't

Thursday, February 3, 2022

Verywell Loved: Unpacking What Is—and Isn't—Narcissism in a Relationship

What Is—and Isn't—Narcissism in a Relationship

Verywell Loved is a series on the dating and relationship topics people are talking about, with personal stories and expert advice to help you better understand your own experiences.

Kate Nelson
News Editor

"He was a total narcissist"—but was he? What does that really mean?

There's often a strong temptation to stamp our ex's foreheads with an armchair diagnosis to explain to ourselves what went wrong in the relationship, and labels like narcissist tend to come up. It wasn't me, it wasn't my fault, it was never going to work out because he/she/they are a narcissist! It's one of those designations like psycho, or toxic, that feels good to say when you're angry or hurting as a result of the selfishness of a loved one.

But in an age where everyone has at least 10 definitions from psych 101 up their sleeves, it's important to be careful with how we label others, even those who have hurt us.

That being said, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a very real diagnosis that can wreak havoc on every relationship that person is in, often causing lasting trauma to those who know them, so it's critical to get a clear picture of what narcissism really is. So what exactly does narcissism look like in the context of a relationship? And if you are in fact dating a narcissist, how should you handle the situation?